I tried to get the feature image from the home page in the post and managed to get myself onto a “Sex Dating in Longmont” site. So sorry. No image for us today.
I decided that 2013 would be the year that I focus on being healthy rather than skinny. For the past month I’ve been waxing eloquent about how much better a health focus has been for me than a body image focus. I’ve set goals that pertain to health and wellness, not on how big or little I am. It’s quite a romantic notion, and it was going great for a few weeks.
I had a bit of a reality check this weekend.
I’ve mentioned how I don’t weight myself. Well, for BioSignature, you do have to weight yourself on the day of the assessment in order to calculate your measurements. I, of course, have become so detached that I didn’t weigh myself upon waking (before drinking any water, eating anything, or donning clothes) so I had to weigh myself at the gym. They have one of those old school scales that you have to slide the weights on. I don’t like those. If I’m going to subject myself to weighing I don’t want to have to push a little box higher… and higher… and HIGHER?!… to get to my number. Whatever. So I weighed myself, and I was a good 4 pounds up from last time.
Panic and despair immediately set in. What!? What. How? Why? What do you mean I’ve GONE UP? My food has been on point. I’ve actually be getting to the gym with some regularity. And minus one short-lived foray with a jar of Cacao Bliss, I’ve barely eaten sugar in the last two weeks! These thoughts came and went through my mind in about .33 seconds, at which point I said, out loud “No. I am not attached to that number.” My trainer was in the room with me, and he actually laughed a little, because he knows my tumultuous relationship with the scale. I was able to tell him the figure, and put it out of my mind for about 6 mintues.
“Up? I can’t believe I’ve gone – NO! I will not freak out about this!” I unconsciously started back on the subject, out load. More chuckling ensued.
In reality, my body fat percentage had gone down in the past two weeks. There was no need for a freak out.
But it forced me to think really critically about my behavior this month since I started my focus on health. Have I really detached from my body image? Absolutely not. I started to recall that at least once a day in the month of January, I’ve pulled my shirt up to examine my abs:
Are they flattening? I think so. Definitely better than after BeerFest 2012 in December. But are they going down enough? Sigh. Why can’t I have Julie Foucher’s abs?
Or the number of times I pinched my love handles:
Certainly these are going down. They better be, dammit.
That behavior is not conducive to the health focus I’m trying to have. That is body image focused behavior. Freaking out when confronted by a scale number I don’t like is body image focused behavior.
So moral of the story is, I’m not there yet. I’ve been attached to my body image for a good twenty years, and three weeks isn’t going to change it completely. For now my goal is to be mindful of when I start thinking about my weight, or love handles, or belly. When I do, just acknowledge that feeling and put it aside. A had a lovely commenter earlier today say that it is much better to think about gaining things than losing things (like weight). That comment resonated so strongly with me, and I’m so grateful they took the time to comment! So here’s a list of things I’ve gained lately:
1. Four pounds of (apparently) muscle
2. The comments and insights of awesome people out there that I don’t even know, but have inspired me daily
3. The ability to ROPE CLIMB!
4. The feeling of complete badassery that accompanied said rope climb
5. The awareness that change happens slowly, but it can, and will happen
I am, as we all are, a work in progress.
photo credit: glamour.com
Excellent post… I’ve started to slowly detach myself from my scale readings…
What I’ll be doing in the coming weeks is weekly body circumference measurements… which I think will be a more accurate reflection of changes in body fat.
Have you considered anything like this?
I definitely think it’s a better metric to consider than just straight body weight. I haven’t personally made good use of it, usually because I just won’t remember to do it!
4. The feeling of complete badassery that accompanied said rope climb
“badassery” is my metric. Like you, I have gained weight since starting primal and weightlifting, but I feel like a beast!! Lift real heavy stuff for an hours and eat a pound of pork and a head of brocolli and tell me you don’t feel awesome.
I go through an ungodly amount of broccoli.
Rock on with your badass self.
Broccoli is awesome, but spinach, not baby spinach is my fave. And top that with whole fat cottage cheese and dried fruit with unfiltered apple cider vinegar and olive oil and sardines and you got my daily lunch. Keep it badass!!
Ugh – sardines. I have yet to try them, although I know I should eat them. Are they as gross as they sound?
I don’t think I can really be unbiased in that regard since there isn’t a fish I won’t eat. I was eating them before I found out their health benefits, because I enjoy the flavor.
I can certainly understand how someone may have a mental obstacle to overcome when trying them. Although, the taste isn’t drastically different than canned tuna. If you really are interested in trying them, I could provide more info…
Stay away from the ones that have a lighthouse on the can–called Cliff’s I think.
I’ll pick some up and give them a try here soon… maybe sometime this year
I do love tuna though. But don’t sardines have the heads still on? That might be the prohibitive factor.
No heads, but everything else. King Oscar sardines are good and fairly common. Those would be a good intro. If you can eat canned tuna, you can eat these. Don’t be skert.
try Bela Sardines from Portugal – yummy!
I have those, but haven’t opened them yet because the can is too cool.
They sound… beautiful?